Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
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