East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
