The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
