If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
