whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
