Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
