Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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