i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
how drunk are you?
Several
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
