you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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