we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
