Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
