I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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