You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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