At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
