so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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