Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
