we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Randomize
