I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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