My pussy is not your playground.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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