I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
