i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
