Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
