So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
