Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
