Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
