Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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