my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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