my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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