You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Randomize
