dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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