Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
