You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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