you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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