Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My nipple is on Facebook.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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