From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
No subtext here. People are naked.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Less talking, more tequila
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
