Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
