i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
