i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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