living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
