Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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