yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
