I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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