I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
