Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
