its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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