i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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