it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
