OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
