tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
