you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
