you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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