The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
