Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
