Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
